Looking for old loves

Well, I'm a bit maudlin tonight. Thinking about how everything is winding down to the end of my marriage and reminiscing about loves lost.

One that comes to mind is a German girl I almost married named Dagmar Merk. Tiny thing, blue eyes, natural blonde, very smart. She was fiery and yet very sweet. When we met in Nurnberg in 1984, I was terrified of women. She told me that she thought I was gay because she'd been flirting with me and I hadn't responded at all. That's a funny thing about me, I'm totally blind to women flirting with me. For whatever reason, I just don't respond.

We were very close, with each other constantly. Talking about living together and getting married. I was in the Army at the time and received orders to Fort Knox in 1985. I had to leave her behind as she was not yet done with college. We thought it would be best for her to finish her apprenticeship as a goldsmith.

It was my introduction to long distance relationships. A painful one. Needless to say, it didn't work out. I was devastated. I had poured everything into this girl and she broke my heart. Even now, some 22 years later, it smarts. Wondering how it would have gone. Wondering what our children would have looked like. That's not to say I am in any way displeased with the three children I have. They are all that a Father could wish for. It's only a "what if" scenario.

Time heals or blunts all wounds. I think of Daggi frequently and fondly. I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder if she thinks of me with the same fondness and regret.

Be well, my old love.

Zeke